The Hardest Goodbye

(originally posted on November 1, 2007)

About three hours passed before the inevitable was finally approached. Neither one of us wanted it to come, but we both knew the time had come to let it happen. No words were needed. We had one final elongated embrace, I got out of the car and it was over.

The process of getting to that point wasn’t as easy as the actual action. It all started out with at least a half hour of relationship repair. I had hurt her. Actually, I should say my actions hurt her. I didn’t do anything to intentionally hurt her feelings; I did it to help myself. But from what I did, she felt disrespected. I understood that. I knew as I was kissing someone else she wouldn’t be too excited if she found out. But SHE broke up with ME. Had my intentions been to kiss someone to shove it in her face, than I would have been at fault completely. That’s not ok. But having someone actually show me affection was so refreshing. I never understood how important that is in a relationship (it is important to note that the reason there was a lack of affection in our relationship was valid).

It took a while for the overall atmosphere in the car to be calm enough where we could both speak freely and not feel attacked by the other. But I think both of us were able to understand each other and felt understood by the other.

After that was cleared up, the waiting began. Topics were discussed, repeated and hammered to the ground. We both knew what the other was thinking. We both knew that the other was avoiding the inevitable. Logically we were both prepared for the separation. We had been officially broken up for a while, but now was the time when it all had to be for real. We had to say goodbye. Our hearts were not ready, but sometimes for your hearts own good you have to let logic take over.

I had been waiting for this day for weeks. My heart needed to be away from her. Weekdays were always good and I could start to move on, but the second I saw her, all of my emotions came screaming back throughout my body. So the fact that the day had finally come was supposed to such a relief. It wasn’t supposed to be that hard. Sometimes closing the door completely isn’t as easy as you think.