I'm All At Sea

I was talking to my good friend Dallin the other day and he asked me if I was over a girl that I had recently dated. I told him that I was not yet there, but I wanted to be.

Now those of you who know me really well know that I often use metaphors to explain my current feelings. I guess I think that I think that I am deep.. Anyway, this time actually turned out to be one of my better ones. I am going to refer back to this metaphor multiple times throughout this blog, so pay attention.

I explained to him that it was like I was on a sailboat. All of my bags were packed and the boat was loaded. The sail was up and the boat was slowly drifting away from the shore. I was just waiting for the wind to pick up and take me a sea.

Well my friends, the wind picked up.

For the first time since June of last year, I can honestly say that I have lost the desire to be with her. (Sorry Hay, I wish I could say differently). I really wish that it would have come sooner. I wish I didn't have to experience the sleepless nights- The nights where my body physically hurt because of emotional pain. I wish that I wouldn't have been completely broken for my next relationship where I often seemed cold hearted and disengaged. I wish many things would have been different.

You know what pushed me over the edge? The realization that after everything we've been through she never fully trusted me. If the lack of trust was warranted I wouldn't have felt like I did, but I was really hurt. I am an honest person. A bit too honest at times. If being trustworthy, honest, and loyal doesn't earn trust, I sure as heck don't know what will.. Hell, It would probably earn me my eagle scout... (maybe I should start on my Webelos, I never even got that one)

But that did it. That sent my ship sailing away. And I must say the air is a lot crisper out here.