Don't it always seem to go that you don't what you've got till it's gone?

For months I sat at school just waiting for my new life to start. Waiting to graduate school and move home. I was done and ready for a change.

Change is overrated.

I miss my old life. I don't necessarily miss having to go to classes and pretending to study. But I do miss a lot of simple things that I had no idea I would. Here is a list of things from Logan that I miss.

-Everyone sitting downstairs on our laptops "watching" TV
-Throwing the Football and discussing everything sporty with Kenny
-Justin always having some sort advice for any situation and him always taking your side no matter what
-Marty being awkward. He always has some sort of random saying or gesture he's trying remember to incorporate in his everyday life.
-Matt's constant girl issues. Because he always had issues, we could always understand each other.
-RJ's always got your back. That's just how it is.
-10 o'clock's the new 12 o'clock
-Sitting in the Ambassador room
-Po-Bev.
-Silent Elevator Rides
-"tag me"

Ok that's enough sentimental crap. The whole point of this post goes back to Joni Mitchell's wise lyric. "Don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you got till it's gone?"

I guess not Joni. I guess not.

Even Skinny Kids Get Fat

I have been living at home with the parentals for the last 2 months. It's not a bad hookup. I basically have my own apartment in the basement plus a 67 inch DLP HD TV. (Side note: Have any of you ever watched Discovery Channel in HD? I never knew I liked the Discovery Channel till I saw it in HD. Awesome)

Ok, I promise there is a point to all of that. Because I have been a bum the last two months and I don't yet have a job, I have a limited supply of money. Because I have a limited amount of money I can't go eat out for every meal. Seriously people, ask my roommates at school. I ate out 75% plus of the time. I was pretty lucky financially at school with scholarships and grants, so I wasted all my money on food.

Now I eat whatever is in the fridge. Luckily, my wonderful mother bought me a bountiful supply of hot pockets, corn dogs and burritos. I grew up on frozen food. That's really all I know.

Back to the point. The last time I weighed myself at USU on Justin's scale (or Matt's?) I weighed 208 lbs. Not too bad considering I am pretty freaking tall. But this morning the scale informed me that I am down to 197 lbs. I know weight fluctuates, but it's been between 205 and 210 the last couple years. I have lost over 10 lbs by just eating... a little (and I mean little) healthier.

I kept telling Hayley I was fat. She never agreed. Now I have proof

Summer Fun....and Beyond?

Lagoon needed an answer. Tuacahn said "there's a chance you could get called," but told me to take the sure shot. So I did. And now once again for 6 nights a week from the end of May til mid September, I will be having the glorious opportunity of experiencing "what fun is." And you all have to come experience it with me.

I went to auditions for Holland-America Cruise Lines on Friday. It went really, really well. I will find out here in a couple weeks if I am on their hiring list, but the director was amazingly complimentary of me and I am optimistic about it. If anything happens, it wont be till, at the earliest, September (after Lagoon). I really can't imagine anything better than getting paid really well to perform about 3 nights a week (max), not pay for any food (I spend so much money on food), or housing and.. oh yeah... being out in the Caribbean, basking in the sun. So, lets just hope I get an offer.

A quick shout out to Dan Ransom

My header picture is from a guy named Dan Ransom. He is a local photographer and he is ridiculously good. Check out his website www.danransom.com . His photoblog is off the heezy- for sheezy.


Especially if you love BYU football as much as I do.





Man he's good

Decisions, Decisions

I promised myself I was going to retire from performing at Lagoon. I had no desire to audition. I was just going to work this summer and actually make some money. Just live the normal non-performing life. You know, the one that actually makes money..

But then my sister, Mandy, had to go and tell me she wanted to audition. I decided that I would love to do a show with her so I told her if she auditioned I would as well. I still wasn't convinced that's what I wanted to do. Then Lexi had to call me and convince me that it is what I wanted to do.

So I auditioned. There was actually quite a lot of talent there. My sister did great. I figured she and I would get cast in the same show and that would be the end of that.

But I auditioned for Tuacahn anyway. It was a few days later and I figured "why the heck not?" They are doing Les Miserables and a couple other good shows, so I didn't think that I even had a chance because of the popularity of the show, but I did get a call back. Overall the audition went pretty well.

Lagoon called and offered Mandy and I positions (in different shows) and Mandy declined. So where does that leave me? I auditioned for Lagoon again to be in a show with my sister and now that's not happening. Lagoon needs an answer ASAP. I want to know if I even have a chance at Tuacahn.

Do I want to do this all summer?



Or wait out for the possibility of this?




F it. I don't want to decide. How about I just go back to school in Logan. I didn't have to make decisions there.

I'm All At Sea

I was talking to my good friend Dallin the other day and he asked me if I was over a girl that I had recently dated. I told him that I was not yet there, but I wanted to be.

Now those of you who know me really well know that I often use metaphors to explain my current feelings. I guess I think that I think that I am deep.. Anyway, this time actually turned out to be one of my better ones. I am going to refer back to this metaphor multiple times throughout this blog, so pay attention.

I explained to him that it was like I was on a sailboat. All of my bags were packed and the boat was loaded. The sail was up and the boat was slowly drifting away from the shore. I was just waiting for the wind to pick up and take me a sea.

Well my friends, the wind picked up.

For the first time since June of last year, I can honestly say that I have lost the desire to be with her. (Sorry Hay, I wish I could say differently). I really wish that it would have come sooner. I wish I didn't have to experience the sleepless nights- The nights where my body physically hurt because of emotional pain. I wish that I wouldn't have been completely broken for my next relationship where I often seemed cold hearted and disengaged. I wish many things would have been different.

You know what pushed me over the edge? The realization that after everything we've been through she never fully trusted me. If the lack of trust was warranted I wouldn't have felt like I did, but I was really hurt. I am an honest person. A bit too honest at times. If being trustworthy, honest, and loyal doesn't earn trust, I sure as heck don't know what will.. Hell, It would probably earn me my eagle scout... (maybe I should start on my Webelos, I never even got that one)

But that did it. That sent my ship sailing away. And I must say the air is a lot crisper out here.

I Can't Let You Go

Your eye shadow always matches what you wear
You always seem to care what others think about you
You try and mold me to what you think I should be
Sometimes you drive me crazy. You drive me up the wall

But then I hold you close
And then I see you smile,
And when that lip starts to curl…

All my doubts and my fears simply go away
50-50 couldn’t change what I’m about to say
“I get lost in your eyes as they search my soul
And when I find myself I know - I can’t let you go”

Wounded hearts preventing what we could be
Delaying a recovery - closing open minds
Your pensive brows warn me I should worry
Our future could be blurry. Our doubts will hold us down

But then I hold you close
And then I see you smile,
And when that lip starts to curl…

All my doubts and my fears simply go away
50-50 couldn’t change what I’m about to say
“I get lost in your eyes as they search my soul
And when I find myself I know - I can’t let you go”

You always question our compatibility
You’ve always been so needy. I've never been enough
Our two worlds started pretty far away
But they collided on that Sunday, and I’m sure glad they did.

Cause when I hold you close,
And when I see you smile,
And when that lip starts to curl…

All my doubts and my fears simply go away
50-50 couldn’t change what I’m about to say
“I get lost in your eyes as they search my soul
And when I find myself I know - I can’t let you go”